Wednesday, November 16, 2016

My Hiatus, Christmas, My kids and Sunsets

Greetings from within the madness that is my mind. As you may have noticed, it has been quite sometime since I have last blogged. Much has been happening and I figured I would take a moment and unload some of it here for you. So get comfortable.

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So yes, I decorated my house for Christmas already...sad part is I did it literally the day after Halloween. Christmas is probably my most favorite time of year that hits me all up in the feels and I always become all warm and fuzzy inside when the weather drops out of the tipple digits melting the wicked witch in me that comes out every summer (said the woman who had lived in the desert for over 25 years). This year I pray will bring a peace amongst the chaos happening in our country post-election. Come on, America! Christmas truce!! But I wont even begin to touch on that subject.. should you feel the desire for political debate, simply turn on your social media and insert opinions!
Ya.. fun times....

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Ok, now to address my hiatus. If any of you know me personally, you know my daily struggle with my children. I have only two, a daughter who is currently 9 and a son going on 6 next month. Trying to raise decent humans in a day and age of spoiled entitlement is no joke, so aside from that little factor, lets just throw in a wrench and make it more interesting. My daughter has always struggled in school. She is also probably more awkward than most children her age. She was evaluated for concerns of autism 3 separate times when she was younger and all concluded that she was not on the spectrum. However, she struggled in school academically every single year since she started I'm talking to the point of she should not have been passing her grades. I asked for help I did their suggestions but nothing seemed to be working so after discussing it with her doctor I had her evaluated through the school district for a learning disability. After months of testing and meetings with her, they finally met with me and explained to me that she does in fact have a learning disability particularly with math, auditory and visual processing, and working memory. It does not have a label except "Specific Learning Disability (SLD)." I was relieved to finally have something put into place to finally get her the help that she needs it has been a long road. Now the other fruit of my womb...I am 99.9% sure that he has ADHD. Both the inattentive and hyperactive kind. He is only 5 so "too young" to officially receive diagnosis of it but if you have ever met my son it would seem no shock to you. The kid has been a Tasmanian devil from the womb doing karate kicks and flips so much, he was born with toned legs (I kid you not). He started Kinder this year.. the year most parents tearfully say goodbye as they watch their little one go on to the little big leagues. Not this mama. I love my baby y'all, but I was doing cartwheels when I got home. So we have not yet entered the "100th" day of school yet and so far there have maaaayyyybe been a total of 15 good days at school with no bad reports or incidents. Ya. I get a daily complaint/message about my son's shenanigans from one person or another. "He's crawling under desks." "He's showing his belly to everyone." "He's repeating silly words hundereds of times over." "He's not keeping his hands to himself." And that list goes on. He is very bright knows everything he should even slightly ahead in some areas.  In an effort to tame the wild beast I have tried it all. Bribery, rewards, revoking privileges, taking away his favorite toys, grounding, the pep talks, etc. etc. The boy just does not quit. Strong willed. Stubborn. Obsessive. Relentless. There have been so many times where the power struggle got out of control, doors have been broken, walls have been busted, you get the picture. I can't tell you how many times I overly fantasized about a very LONG solo vacation. I cry almost daily in frustration, I am outnumbered and I am so drained emotionally that my poor husband most of the time gets whats leftover. So you can probably see why I'm kinda too blah to really blog lately.

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Then there are these amazing masterpieces that appear at the end of some of those tough days. A reminder that God is still here... that He sees me. That I'm not alone. The sky is artfully crafted in the most radiant and saturated hues of red, orange, purple and pink. A reminder that tomorrow is another day (you see what I did there Gone with The Wind fans?). So I fight on.. I many times don't want to, there are days where I mostly cry, there are days where I don't think I was meant to be these kid's mom.. but God makes no mistakes. I might not understand but I trust Him. I need Him. I cannot do this without Him. Here's to another day.. fight on mamas and papas! *fist bump*

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Wars

Do you ever feel like you are battling more than one war and you are the only soldier? Like writing in the sand where the tide is coming in closer and closer about to wash it all away? That is me right now... I personally have 4 wars constantly raging in my life. Shall I introduce you to them? Well, get comfortable because we are all about to get acquainted...

War number 1 (and my longest ongoing battle)- my spiritual life.
I have been a Christian most of my life. I grew up in a Christian home and was raised that way. I personally made a serious commitment to it as a teenager (around jr. high age) and have many peaks and valleys in my walk to say the least. It hasn't always been easy, I had no problem as a teenager saying "No" to the many temptations and pressures around me. But there have been many dry spells in my walk. I love my God, He is so so soooo good and I am a total wretch undeserving of His grace and mercy, but I have fallen so many times, and to be honest there have been times where the enemy gets the best of me in shaming me to the point where I dare not even approach Him in prayer. It is an ongoing battle to keep my faith and walk righteously, the race is not over and I have been getting quite winded. I can't ever see myself losing my faith in Him, but its been a struggle sometimes and I plan to keep fighting for this one- the Good Fight.

War number 2- my marriage.
Like most marriages, ours has seen many ups and downs. There are times where things are wonderful and we don't question our happiness or our love for one another. We have been married almost 11 years and together for almost 14. Our first 2 years were the hardest up until recently. We had worked together during that time which was quite damaging to our relationship but once we moved past that and no longer worked together we got along much better and then came baby number one; life was pleasant and grand and we almost NEVER fought. They say there is the "7 year stretch" in marriages where it becomes sort of harder to keep the spark alive. Ours to me began only recently. The stresses of moving twice in the same year and into a new home with one income and a slump in work hours has taken a bit of a stressful toll. I trust God will get us out of it as he has before, but what once was easy to maintain has become increasingly more difficult with the different and new situations we are given. More is added to each of our plates and its getting heavier to balance.

War number 3- motherhood.
Oh mommyhood...I can honestly say this has been my most difficult, draining, and life-sucking bloody battle. Even as I sit here attempting to write this they are in the background fighting over complete nonsense. I have two children, a girl and a boy almost 4 years apart. My son is extremely strong willed and my daughter is quite needy. They are two entirely different little humans and they KNOW how to drive their mama cra cra.  I have very rarely had days of peace with either of them. I have realized, through motherhood, how very little patience I posses and what an ugly temper I have, I become hulk-mama in 0.4 seconds... its pretty bad. And that's with only two children.. God bless you ladies who have more, you have my utmost respect, we who are about to die salute you! lol

War number 4- maintaining friendships.
I don't have very many friends, I have a small few who I hold dear and precious to me and we all have different lives and different things happening. Sometimes I get side tracked and forget to call or text or contact just to check in and make sure they don't hate me lol. I love my friends like family and I hope to find a way to balance my days better so that I can still maintain healthy relationships with each of them.

It's so hard to juggle the many things life throws my way. I know I'm not alone...I can't be. But know that I am trying, and without God, I couldn't survive this at all. I plan to come out of each of these victorious some day, one step at a time. Sometimes the victories come in little things and overcoming one hurdle at a time. The race is far from over...sometimes you get a good refreshing water break and sometimes you get only enough to keep you alive. If you are experiencing some of the same wars, know you are not alone and we CAN make it through these valleys... we have our ultimate king to fight for on our side. <3

Monday, June 15, 2015

Locking Away the Heart

 "Failing to give your heart means to lock it up safely in the casket of selfishness. And like a body laid to rest in a casket the heart will change; though safe, dark, and motionless, it will rot and become a bag of bones." -Charles Swindoll

Hello to my audience of two! It has been a long time since I have been on to blog and to be honest, I haven't had much to say... and to be completely honest, I may have gone through a bit of depression. Why you may ask? I'm not entirely sure...maybe its the stress of having the kids constantly misbehave with me, maybe its feeling lonely at times. And maybe you are thinking, "how can she be lonely? She has a family!" While this is true, things haven't always been easy and sometimes I feel like I care more for others than they care for me. But I'm ok! :) It was a phase of my own insecurities and I am being proactive about my life and working on changing myself and through prayer, hopefully my ability to handle situations will become better.

Sometimes it's hard being the way that I am. I tend to care probably more than I should. I worry about those I love.. worry about their safety, their choices, their relationships, just about everything. Do I enjoy doing this? Not at all... I hate feeling so out of control and the thing is, I fully understand that I have no control or maybe even say in how their life pans out, but why do I still care?? Sometimes I wish I didn't.. and at one point, I didn't. I was young, and my heart hardened. I didn't feel... it was like my heart stopped beating. It scared me to a point where I was frightened that I would forever be doomed to feel that way, like Ebeneezer Scrooge, wrapped up in my own selfish desires and caring only about ME and NOT caring who was hurt in the process. So I prayed... I prayed HARD. God softened my heart, and I became almost overly sensitive (go figure lol).

This past Sunday, my family and I went to church and during the message given by our pastor on a marriage series, he mentioned the above quote from Charles Swindoll. It was so profound and really resonated with me, because it applies to everyone and really placed a new perspective on locking away your heart. I have been tempted (especially recently) to do keep my walls up and lock my heart up so that it could no longer feel the pain of disappointment, loneliness, brokenness, etc. But when it comes down to it, you really are choosing to allow your heart to rot that way. In today's world, everyone looks out for #1, themselves. The motto is "do what is best for YOU," or "follow YOUR heart." And while that may seem wise in this world, nothing could be more selfish. If you follow that advice, you are only out to make yourself happy despite if it is right or wrong and no matter who you lose or damage in the process. Enter "I'd like to thank all the little people I had to step on to get here!" The heart can be wonderful and caring, but it can also be wicked and deceitful. (Jeremiah 17:9)

So I made a choice. I choose to keep my heart available to others. Some will call me foolish for doing so, and maybe I am. But through the pain and experiences, you LEARN and you grow! Will I get hurt? Yes. Will others try to take advantage of me? Absolutely. But let me tell you this, nothing brings me more happiness, than knowing I have helped others or have been a tool to bless another. Whether its making them laugh, cooking for them, giving something to help them out, or even just a piece of my heart and life. The feeling I get knowing I somehow made a difference to brighten their day, makes me feel priceless. And that is something I would forever miss out on, the millions of opportunities to feel that if my heart was locked away in my casket of selfishness. Now understand this, it is impossible to make EVERYONE happy. It just is, but if you are doing right and doing it with LOVE, then the other person's disappointment is entirely on themselves and something God needs to reveal to them. 

Maybe your heart has been locked up, maybe you are scared and have been wrung and burned and broken more than you thought would ever happen, but there IS hope. It's not too late. And if you are looking to be REALLY happy- take it out, dust it off, and go help somebody. Talk to the elderly neighbor across the street. Call up an old friend, Pay a strangers tab at a restaurant, make somebody laugh, pray for someone and let them know you are, there are millions of opportunities given to us all. We just have to seize them. <3

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Quick and Simple Closet Hack

Hello, my name is Lisette and I am addicted to shoes. I feed my addiction probably more than I should and what started out as a small collection has multiplied in my closet like a pair of rabbits on Viagra! My biggest issue has been finding a way to store them neatly without them hiding in boxes where I never see them and therefore don't use them (out of sight out of mind) or without them covering every inch of precious floor space in my various sized closets throughout the years. Well now that we have settled into what I pray will be our forever home and I have decent sized walk-in closet, I noticed my problem had still followed me here. I had hoped it would magically solve itself but alas, wishful thinking only.
So I'm sitting in my closet fumbling around with things and trying to figure out how to better organize my shoes and as I'm thinking about it, I'm staring at that bar, you know, that bar on the bottom half of the closet that is supposed to be for hanging pants (I suppose) but I don't know anyone who owns enough pairs (or hangs them up for that matter) to take up more than a quarter of that space? Ya, that bar.

So I grabbed a pair of fabulous dusty heels (they haven't got much love since I almost broke my ankle wearing them chasing my toddler) and put them on the bar. OH EM GEE.

It's like the Hallelujah chorus echoed from the heavens with a beam of sunshine onto my shoes! I found a way to save some floor space, have them displayed better AND fill up all that lonely space on the bar!

I had to show some love to them after seeing how pretty and lonely they were getting, I dusted them off (literally) and rearranged them some and of course, tried them on again as I squealed with delight at my new found love for them again.
So there you have it! My very quick closet hack for shoes! Now go and show yours some love and let me know of any other creative ideas you may have on better controlling the chaos of the closet!
Until I blog again my dears... <3 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

A Quick Personal Touch

Hello once again my lovelies! I hope you all had a fabulous new year and pray that this year will bring you all great blessings and new beginnings. We spent it quietly at home with the kiddos having a "Star Wars night in," as we affectionately called it. But you know what? It was actually quite enjoyable. We have not been able to spend a New Year's Eve out since the BC (Before Children) days. But anywho, any of you who have ventured into the stores have witnessed the tornadoes of holiday clearances. On my weekly trip to the great Tarjay (Target in my fake french accent), I came across this cute table runner that was meant to be for Christmas, but I thought I could add just a little something to have it grace my table year-round without looking like its meant only for the holidays.
As many of you know, I LOVE the color mint/seafoam and it is all over my house. Gold and white pair quite beautifully with this color so all I needed to do was add some of that in this bad boy. First, I grabbed left over painters tape from my move and taped off a triangle shape at the bottom of each end.
I didn't have the color I wanted on hand, but I was able to mix the colors I did have into a shade I was happy with. I used craft paint (which I'm sure would work even more beautifully with fabric paint) but craft paint was all I had and I was too lazy to want to drive 8 miles out of my way to grab any.

So I just started painting and saturating it until the whole triangle was completely filled leaving no bald spots. Waited impatiently for it to dry (I grabbed the blowdryer), and pulled off the tape to reveal the simple awesomeness it created!
Perfect touch huh? I have had people ask me about it and they were quite surprised when I told them how I painted onto it saying that it looked as though that's how I bought it.
Oh yea, my coffee looks great there ;)

So then since I custom made the paint color, I had some left over and didn't want to leave it to waste, so I mixed in some more white to lighten it up and looked around the house for things to paint. Camw up with these two...

I had the gold craft paint already and just added it on after I painted the base. Then the mason jar looked so empty so I threw in some feathers and I love how it looks all together.
I try to transform or upcycle things I find around the house that are usually collecting dust in my cupboards somewhere. Gives me a great excuse to paint (which I find incredibly soothing and therapeutic), and it's also a free way to add personal and unique decor to the house.

Well I hope you all enjoyed this post and are inspired to look at things a little differently, if it's not what you want at first, then craft it til it is ;)

The Big Move

Brace yourselves and bear with me, I have a lot of catching up to do! Much has happened since my last post, the biggest one being that we are once again proud homeowners! We were once homeowners to a small brand new starter type home 3 years ago right before the infamous housing market crash. We were totally upside down on that home and after much prayer we decided to short-sale the house which in hindsight was one of our best decisions because we would have still been drowning there. The rules are that you much wait at least 3 years before qualifying to purchase another home and while we were forced to jump between two rentals until our time arrived, it was worth the wait and pain of moving! We got our keys on Halloween night and were ecstatic!
We weren't expecting to get our keys until about the following week so we were on cloud nine. The house was pretty much move-in ready with the exception of needing paint in every single room.
This was the very next day going by to officially test out the keys lol. The yard was left to die in both the front and back by the renters who previously occupied it unfortunately, so out of everything, this is what is going to take longest and the most money (fixing all the landscaping).
The inside has laminate wood floors and tile and carpet only in the bedrooms (which still need to be replaced eventually) but all the walls needed paint because they were scratched and touched up with the wrong color. It wasn't a terrible color (the infamous swiss coffee I believe) but of course, I had other plans hehe.

I spend the next week every day going to the house and painting my butt off. I had help two days out of the week which I was grateful for from my mom and her boyfriend. The entire house with the exception of the master bath and kids rooms (because I was honestly burnt out on painting) was painted two shades of grey.

Most of the house was painted in "Cathedral grey" by Behr and our master was painted a darker shade in "creek bend" also by Behr.
My room is my favorite, but then again I'm biased. We already had the furniture and bedding the only thing I added was the fabric garland above the bed that I had made for another occasion and it just happened to look amazing with the direction I was going.
These are quite easy to make and a good use of fabric scraps too (tons of tutorials on Pinterest to check out).
We also have a foyer for the first time ever!! I realized after this move how much STUFF we have (I am still mysteriously missing a moving box!) but up until now, we had nowhere to put it all, I mean we were stuffing things under beds, in closets and in every little corner we could find.. we were bursting at the seams practically and now we have the opposite problem here, go figure.
A trip to the farmers market brings a lovely fresh touch for my shabby mason jars! The rainbow succulent unfortunately is fake...but too pretty to care!!

So there you have it! A quick peek into our new place I hope you enjoyed or at least for those of you who were wondering were able to satisfy your curiosity lol. What do you all think? I would love to hear your opinions in the comments :)

Monday, October 6, 2014

All about that bass?

"'Cause I'm all about that bass 'bout that bass, no treble!" Ya you know it's in your head now.. you're welcome. You guys may as well grab a drink and get comfortable because its been a while since I have blogged and I have a whopping 2 followers who may read this lol. So I am here to talk about it, a topic that I have struggled with my whole life.. and I mean my WHOLE life. Need proof? I came into this world at a whopping 10 pounds via c-section. I was a normal, active little girl but still a bit thicker than most girls my age. This went on throughout my entire career as a student. In high school I would have argued your brains out that I was the fattest cow ever and I now take back ever beating myself up back then at a size 10/12 that I would KILL to be now. I am 30 years old  and a size 14. The biggest I ever was was at an 18. I have been teased about my weight my whole life and it really affected me in high school to the point where I would not dare be seen near a body of water without being 80% clothed, and yes I went in that way. I had it drilled into my head via media, magazines, TV, etc. that if you are "plus sized," you cannot be beautiful physically. I believed it. I kept myself well-covered and battled with my body image every day in the mirror.
As a mom of two kids and one of them being a girl, I was determined not to let her beat herself up the way I did. I promised myself, no, SWORE to myself that I would never say the words "I'm fat" around her. She would not know the meaning from me and would not see others that way if I could possibly help it. I made that promise 7 years ago and have held to it. My daughter has only very recently learned about body sizes and has inquired about it and all I have told her is that we are all made differently and all look different but its important to still love everyone JUST the way they are, including ourselves. As a result of holding to this promise it has given me a tiny bit more confidence in myself, however, I still struggle, I'm not going to lie. It's a fault I have and as hard as I try, it still haunts me from time to time. I catch myself self-hating and comparing myself to others. If you do this to yourself, STOP!! It will never make things ANY better by you verbally beating the poop out of yourself and I am talking to me too.
As females especially, there is a much higher standard and competitive market for beauty and body image. Why? They thrive on our insecurities and the fact that men are visual creatures. Hmm.. kinda like parasites..yes that's an appropriate name. Women have always been admired for their softer features and natural beauty, but throughout time that beauty became more and more skewed. People stopped appreciating and seeing the raw beauty to be held in EVERYONE and instead saw the Photoshopped standard of perfection that females must achieve in order to be considered "hot" or "sexy" or even "beautiful." We have followed this way of thinking and it has infected most of the population. But every great once in a while there will be something, be it a song or movie or book or person, that will celebrate the beauty in everyone, especially us that have a little more to work with ya know what I'm saying? lol. I applaud these that celebrate the beauty in everyone, I don't like the bashing of any particular style or size. There are those who are super thin and can't help it, and there are those who are short, or tall, or have gorgeous blonde hair or no hair at all. Why can't we see that we are all uniquely made and there is beauty in that? I will however say that there is true ugliness and it comes from the inside. That should be the ONLY ugliness that we see.
I have met very few people in my life who see things that way and it is awesome. They are some of the best people I have ever known and I can't help but be drawn to their natural confidence. It's a fact that confidence (not cockiness) is universally attractive. When you are confident you have more fun, don't you? You're not worrying about what people think when they see you because you are too busy just enjoying everything else, am I right? You know I am! We need to stop teaching the younger generations how to hate themselves even more than they naturally tend to do. We have no grace for ourselves physically and it becomes an UN-attainable pursuit of perfection. Not a single one of us are perfect and we need to learn to accept and love all the little "flaws" we see. Can I also say, when you stop seeing the flaws in yourself so much, you naturally stop seeing them in others as well? 

So can I challenge you, whoever you are, whatever size you are, to celebrate your God-given beauty? This is a challenge that I myself need to take as well! We need to stop bashing ourselves and killing ourselves in unhealthy ways to achieve a standard that can never be achieved! Remember to stay humble and know that there is always room for improvement but it should never be an obsession to change what God has made with His own hands! Let's start seeing the beauty in every one we know and, for bonus points, TELL THEM THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY THEY ARE!!!!!! We NEED to hear these words, you never know it may even save a life or change one. So join me.. let's tell someone they are beautifully made and a fabulous work of art! <3