Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Wars

Do you ever feel like you are battling more than one war and you are the only soldier? Like writing in the sand where the tide is coming in closer and closer about to wash it all away? That is me right now... I personally have 4 wars constantly raging in my life. Shall I introduce you to them? Well, get comfortable because we are all about to get acquainted...

War number 1 (and my longest ongoing battle)- my spiritual life.
I have been a Christian most of my life. I grew up in a Christian home and was raised that way. I personally made a serious commitment to it as a teenager (around jr. high age) and have many peaks and valleys in my walk to say the least. It hasn't always been easy, I had no problem as a teenager saying "No" to the many temptations and pressures around me. But there have been many dry spells in my walk. I love my God, He is so so soooo good and I am a total wretch undeserving of His grace and mercy, but I have fallen so many times, and to be honest there have been times where the enemy gets the best of me in shaming me to the point where I dare not even approach Him in prayer. It is an ongoing battle to keep my faith and walk righteously, the race is not over and I have been getting quite winded. I can't ever see myself losing my faith in Him, but its been a struggle sometimes and I plan to keep fighting for this one- the Good Fight.

War number 2- my marriage.
Like most marriages, ours has seen many ups and downs. There are times where things are wonderful and we don't question our happiness or our love for one another. We have been married almost 11 years and together for almost 14. Our first 2 years were the hardest up until recently. We had worked together during that time which was quite damaging to our relationship but once we moved past that and no longer worked together we got along much better and then came baby number one; life was pleasant and grand and we almost NEVER fought. They say there is the "7 year stretch" in marriages where it becomes sort of harder to keep the spark alive. Ours to me began only recently. The stresses of moving twice in the same year and into a new home with one income and a slump in work hours has taken a bit of a stressful toll. I trust God will get us out of it as he has before, but what once was easy to maintain has become increasingly more difficult with the different and new situations we are given. More is added to each of our plates and its getting heavier to balance.

War number 3- motherhood.
Oh mommyhood...I can honestly say this has been my most difficult, draining, and life-sucking bloody battle. Even as I sit here attempting to write this they are in the background fighting over complete nonsense. I have two children, a girl and a boy almost 4 years apart. My son is extremely strong willed and my daughter is quite needy. They are two entirely different little humans and they KNOW how to drive their mama cra cra.  I have very rarely had days of peace with either of them. I have realized, through motherhood, how very little patience I posses and what an ugly temper I have, I become hulk-mama in 0.4 seconds... its pretty bad. And that's with only two children.. God bless you ladies who have more, you have my utmost respect, we who are about to die salute you! lol

War number 4- maintaining friendships.
I don't have very many friends, I have a small few who I hold dear and precious to me and we all have different lives and different things happening. Sometimes I get side tracked and forget to call or text or contact just to check in and make sure they don't hate me lol. I love my friends like family and I hope to find a way to balance my days better so that I can still maintain healthy relationships with each of them.

It's so hard to juggle the many things life throws my way. I know I'm not alone...I can't be. But know that I am trying, and without God, I couldn't survive this at all. I plan to come out of each of these victorious some day, one step at a time. Sometimes the victories come in little things and overcoming one hurdle at a time. The race is far from over...sometimes you get a good refreshing water break and sometimes you get only enough to keep you alive. If you are experiencing some of the same wars, know you are not alone and we CAN make it through these valleys... we have our ultimate king to fight for on our side. <3